User blog:Rena Charming/Farewell Letter, Part 458

I am afraid it has come to this again. I realize by now this has happened so much, time and time again, to the point where this sort of thing loses its effect. But I am not one for unspoken departures. If I go, I must let everyone know why. To make them try to understand, at least, my state of mind. Where I am coming from. I know some of you take me for evil. I am not evil. Just broken.

I will address each and every member of this community and let them know exactly how I feel about them and in what way they have hurt me. I want you all to know that I do still love each and every one of you, even though I blame you profusely for me leaving, again.


 * Ali - I thought you were a sweet, kind-hearted girl. We would talk and talk for hours, about any and everything. Our hopes and dreams, ambitions and fears. We would talk about our favorite things, like apple strudels and whiskers on kittens. I so miss our get-togethers, our casual conversations. Remember when I told you you were beautiful? No regrets, because I think that, deep down, and despite everything that has happened, all the shocking, heartbreaking revelations, you are beautiful. But you have a nose ring. :( When I found out about it, I cried. I can not and should not associate myself with the likes of you.


 * Ben - I was so devastated when I saw that I left you a Kik message and you read it but decided not to answer me. Days and days went by and I still received no message. I truly thought we were friends. When I saw that you'd read the message but opted not to tell me how you were, I cried. I was so genuinely concerned with you, knowing you had gone off to Africa to help those poor children. Not a night went by that I didn't lose sleep out of worry you would get eaten by a bear. Because you, Ben, were my best friend. The bestest of the best. And you took my affection for you and wiped some African kid's bottom with it. And it honestly devastates me. But I have grown wiser and stronger because of it, so I must thank you.


 * Brad - It's so funny how we don't talk anymore. How come you don't call me anymore? I can't live if living is without you.


 * Joanna - Why are you so obsessed with me? :( I know you have cameras planted in my bedroom. I know about you tapping my phone conversations with my mother. I know you secretly stay in the "vacated" bedroom next to mine. You keep telling me I am beautiful, and that may be so, but I don't deserve to be constantly stalked and harassed for being beautiful. There are plenty of beautiful people in the world, why must you be so focused on me? Spread the crazy. I appreciate you telling me that I am the funniest, prettiest, most interesting member of this community. I used to think you truly meant those words and considered you to be a great person and an even better friend. Then I found out you were just diseased, obsessed with me, and it made me cry. :'( I wish you the best of luck, Joanna, in getting help and overcoming your disability. Please don't molest me in my sleep, it makes me cry from my special place.


 * Joe - You used to have no attitude, no personality. You used to adore and worship me, look up to me, as your leader, as your superior, as the undisputed top cat of the community. You would confort me when I needed it, you would always tell me you were on my side whenever I argued with someone. These days, you have let power get to your head. You've become... strong-willed. It honestly makes me cry. I miss when you were more submissive and weak. Some people just have to be that way, you know? And you really get to telling me I'm not pretty these days which is a really low blow towards my self-esteem and makes me cry.


 * Josh - Who?


 * Justine - I pray for you every night, Justine. I talk to the Good Lord up above and ask that He take mercy upon your soul, because I know you are not a bad person deep down, you just do and say bad things because you have self-esteem issues and your uncle touched you in places. I pray for your recovery, for you to better yourself every day. I accept you for what you are, and I forgive you, Justine. I know that I have lashed out at you on occasion, when I let your harsh words get to me. I should have seen things from your point of view and tried to understand you better, and risen above them. I am rising, now. Like a phoenix from the ashes. And I still love you, my sister. And if you ever need to talk, I am here for you. I will always be here for you, with arms wide open.


 * Kristi - I would pray for you if I didn't know that you are a hopeless case. You are what we in my country call an 'ormon'. The power of Christ compels you.


 * Liz - Please don't ever change.


 * Mary - It really makes me cry when you give me chlamydia. :'( I tell you I don't want it but you don't listen to me and it's so frustrating and sad. I feel underappreciated. And itchy down there.


 * Rocky - You are my rock, always and forever. My Rocky.

I am really sad that I have to leave again. The bile in this community was just getting to be far too intoxicating. I will keep all of you in my big, big heart forever. And you'll be always on my mind. Thank you for the company you have provided me with. Thank you for the fun times we had. And I forgive you for the pain and heartache you have caused me.

Best wishes, Rena