User blog:Nurse Joy/An apologetic goodbye

I don’t know if you guys knew, or even cared about me that much, but I just realized that my three-year wikia anniversary is coming up very soon, and it’s really got me thinking on my par. Before I start, I should probably say that I’m not that good when it comes to goodbyes; I’ve always thought that there was some sort of chance I’d be seeing you again, and most of the times, I have.

Unluckily, this is not the case today. I’m not really one to talk about my personal issues on the internet, or write about my feelings. Even while I was writing the apology for all that happened with the Glee Wiki Burn Book, I constantly found myself struggling while writing it. So, sorry if this is not your ideal goodbye blog.

Anyways, I have to say that I am extremely sorry for my outrageous behavior for the past one and a half years I’ve displayed throughout all of wikia, and it only took me yesterday to realize that whoever that was -- trolling, insulting users, forming an alliance with someone with evil intents -- was the Alison I know. I’m a really nice person if you got to know me in real life, and I don’t know if it was brought on by all the madness in my life during Late 2011/Early, or if I was simply bored and wanted to do something different for a change, but I’d found myself in front of a frightening crossroad, and I am simply appalled by the choices I’ve made since. I am not a mean person -- I never intended to be, and I hope that me “choosing” Valentina (or Joey, whoever she is) over you guys doesn’t cause you to believe I am, because, quite frankly, she happens to be nothing but another acquaintance I’ve come across during my time here. I don’t even know why I began talking to her again, but for some reason, I find myself to be extremely jealous of her, even if she happens to be a 15 year old boy. It seems childish, but I guess her overall personality is somewhat attractive (in the sense that I’d want to be like her). However, I now understand that being that kind of person is not good for anyone, even Valentina.

That being said, I’m afraid I’m gonna have to leave all of this behind. Sure, it’s been fun, but I can’t keep holding onto something I knew I’d already lost two short years ago. It seems selfish, and you probably think that I don’t know what I’m talking about (being only at the semi-young age of nineteen), but being here has brought a lot of unexpected stress upon me and I just don’t want to deal with it when I know I could just get the same amount of hardship in real life as opposed to sitting on the internet for hours at a time, missing out on what could be my social upbringing here at university, or procrastinating and waiting until the last minute to finish important assignments due to my unnecessary time on wikia. And while I know you may think I’m not being serious about leaving, or that I’m doing this out of spite and planning to return only days later, you guys have to acknowledge that I was weak then, and I don’t want to be weak anymore. And say I did stay here with you -- what difference would it bring? Valentina would continue to terrorize you, Josh and Rena would continue squabble despite their mutual love for each other, and Joanna would continue to be...well, Jo. What would be the point in coming back?

As for me, I've been thinking about taking this last semester off from university to really discover who I am. Sure, Marine Biology is my passion, but I've been doubting myself lately, and I don't really know if that's the right path I want to take in life. I talked to my dad, and he said that with my stepbrother moving out, there's an room if I ever want to come down and live with him. But it depends, really.

But anyways, yeah. I’d usually deactivate all of my accounts when it comes to this, but I don’t even want to be tempted by the thought of creating a new account and coming back, so I request that one of the admins block all of the following accounts. (BIondetta, CindereIIa, ILuvUJadeGag, XOXO -A, & Princess ArieI) Thank you for the good memories we’ve shared here, I'll cherish them for a long time.

Fierce and love. -Ali M.