User blog comment:Jdg98/5.11 - "Swan Song" Review/@comment-27140141-20151207221259

I want to like this show, oh how I want to like this show. I've tried so hard to force myself to like 5A. I honestly, truly believed they could not hit any more rock bottom than they did with season 4. Seriously, Frozen and a set of drag queens known as the Queens of Darkness were the main focal points. This, though... what the fuck were they thinking?! The season was off to such a decent start, with the Arthurian Legend being explored, nice tie-ins with the Dark One mythology, and wow at how well the characters were fixed after their season 4 butchering. Snow and Charming continued to amaze me and actually became a couple that deserved a fanbase again, Dark Swan was eery and cool, Belle was not being a fucking retard, Hook was not longer Emma's puppy, Zelena continued being... well, Zelena, and I was actually able to make peace with Rumple's basic redemption arc. Lmao they had to actually remove the evil from him.

However, not all good things can last, for Arthur stopped being relevant after 5x05, meaning that Guinevere was going to be even less relevant than she already was. I truly am sorry for Joana Metrass and really just want to give her a hug after last night's episode. She had amazing setup in 5x04, a fantastic backstory, and I told myself that I didn't care what else she did the remainder of the arc so long as she had fapulous confrontation with Arthur... Well? I'm waiting? Arthur, Guinevere and Merida all missed the mid-season finale, even when we know for a fact that they filmed scenes. Where are those scenes?! At this point I would accept any type of closure to those characters, and what we are given is just unacceptable. Arthur is rotting in a jail cell, Guinevere is still his brainwashed slave, and Merida, who spent two centric episodes trying to prove herself fit to be Queen of DunBroch is now stuck in Storybrooke away from her FUCKING kingdom. As Twitter has shown us, Amy Manson is even pissed off with this outcome, and who can blame her?! I hope she has enough self respect to never return to this fuckery of a show because they just don't even care anymore. Adam and Eddy just don't care.

Besides the Camelot peeps' and Merida's absences, this episode also proved to be fuckery for what DID happen. I... I can't believe I'm saying this, but... I would sacrifice Belle's appearance in the 100th episode if it meant she wasn't apart of this new storyline. Guys, she made it out. She made it out of the fuckery that was this show on GOOD TERMS. I made my peace with her sudden decision to not get back with Rumple, and I was content with her taking a break for the next episodes (as long as Rumbelle had a flashback in the Spring premiere), but then they do this. She is right back where she was over a season and a half ago!! This new story they're introducing is the exact same as what happened in 3x20!! Why? Why for the love of all my baes did they think this was a good idea? Or maybe they just didn't? Maybe they just don't know how to write for a redeemed Rumple so they throw this shit at us? I absolutely HATE this show. I have stuck by it through all it's shit for the last five seasons, but I just can't do this anymore. I don't want to do this anymore. I care about two characters in this show. Only two. No fucks given about the rest.

Everyone knows how I feel about Belle and Zelena, but both somehow managed to get royally fucked in the most shocking, unnecessary, undeserving of ways possible. Rumbelle is back to the pile of shit it was doing so well at recovering from, whereas ZELENA WAS POOPED THROUGH A PORTAL BACK TO MOTHERFUCKING OZ!!! What gave Regina the right to do that?! That wasn't good for the sake of the baby, that was just cruel. This show makes Zelena out to be so much more evil than she really is, when in reality she's just mentally unstable. She needs help. Regina did nothing heroic there, and like how they don't know how to write a redeemed Rumple, I don't think they know what to do with Zelena. They promoted her to series regular because they knew Bex would be willing to stick around and they thought they could have some fun. Well it turns out that fun was more short lived than what was probably originally intended to be. I... am not okay with this.

I know this doesn't relate to 5x11 itself, but regarding 5a, the plot was so obviously re-written like half way through, yet they still don't even bother trying to make sense out of things. Like, omg, what is this? They just do not care anymore. What happened to Regina being the new savior? Arthur making Storybrooke the new Camelot? Emma getting revenge for being wronged by her parents during the missing six weeks? Dwarfs and Granny being relevant during the adventure? Was Hook able to sleep when they got home? What happened to Dark Ones not sleeping? How does that work? All of these are questions that will most likely never receive answers.

Back to 5x11, don't even get me started on the flashbacks. As Joe pointed out, THEY DO NOT FIT!!! Re-watch 2x09 and try to tell me otherwise. Tell me if you truly believe that these flashbacks actually fit in well with that timeline. Also, Hook's dad was the biggest snooze ever. Lol he's like Hook's age AND his name wasn't said. This is just Belle's mother 2.0, but at least she was female, which by default makes her better. Remember when she was ripped to shreds by ogres and Belle forgot? Yeah. Also the way Hook and Regina talked about it being a secret they swore to never bring up again... Such lazy writing. It was like the Snowing babynapping 2.0 and I honestly don't know which I hate more. What else?... Ohyh one of Anton's brothers got his neck snapped by Regina, but that's okay cos she doesn't do that anymore. Bitch, kill yourself.

This episode just did not do justice to the arc, and this arc just does not do justice to the show. So much was contrived, changed, re-written. I can't even be arsed with acknowledging Nimue's contributions to the episode because frankly I just don't give a fuck. Like, I actually do not care the slightest bit about that. She was cool in 5x07, but that's it. After that I just sorta phased her out of my mind and now she's a pile of moo. Her arrival on the show and story doesn't even feel useful happening at this time since the darkness is still around. This whole arc was a pile of pointlessness since everything was undone anyway. They're just treating it like it never happened now and moving on to the Underworld because they just don't give a single fuck. To anyone who does wish to continue the show from here on, all I can say is that I wish you good luck.