User blog:Rena Charming/Miniview - "Heart of Gold"

First and foremost: fuck you, Roland. If you're tired then kill yourself, I hear that helps.

Now that that's out of the way, let's get this show on the road. The Robin Hood-centric episode was looong overdue, considering that the character has become a regular fixture (devoid of actual regular status) since the second half of season 3 premiered. We were all waiting for an episode that finally showed us the series' personal take on a classic, beloved legend. Then we found out it'd be mixed in with Oz because penguins and it suddenly felt like a cheap, gimmicky schtick. Dread and anticipation were mixed going into this episode, for it felt like there were several pros and cons about it right off the bat, despite it being uncharted territory. Zelena was back, awesome. Zelena was Marian, hell no. Robin's first episode, wonderful. Robin goes to Oz, why the fuck now? We knew about pretty much all the twists and turns they pulled on us in this episode, and after we come out of it we still pretty much have one huge, lingering, unanswered question: what the fuck is Will Scarlet's deal anyway?

The Charmings are barely featured in this episode despite the fact that they kick it off, searching for the Author. I would love for someone to explain to me WHY Hook needed to be featured in this episode. In my last miniview I said that he was long overdue for an absence, and then in the very next episode this happens. God is trying me and I don't like it. Belle was absent, couldn't Hook be as well? For once I would like their episode counts to at least sorta go neck to neck. Anyway, I still hate the Author's actor. This casting is gonna make it very, very hard for me to watch this arc, especially when he gains further prominence in the Cruella episode next week and presumably in a centric of his own (the finale? Who knows), and I really hope he doesn't return for season 5. Unlike Kristin Bauer, I don't see this guy growing on me.

I think "Heart of Gold" WILL go down as one of the series' most memorable episodes. Not only does it provide us with a huge twist - spoiled/theorized, but a twist nevertheless -, it IS the first Robin Hood episode and is structurally different from any other episode we'd seen before - all in all, the centric character is only featured in flashbacks, with no scenes at all in the present day action. The episode did what I had hoped of it: it salvaged Robin Hood's character for me. The fact that Marian was Zelena all along works for me in the sense that, this way, Robin being unable to love her again and not appreciate the miracle that was her return (they actually called it a "miracle" in this episode - someone had been reading my reviews, thanks Adam and Eddy, I hope you didn't take it too personally whenever I called you morons) is simply because, well, something felt off and he couldn't quite put his finger on it. She wasn't his dead first true love, just a crazy-ass witch. I have also come to hope that Snow and Charming can be salvaged as well, if the Author did more than just put them on the path to Lilygate, and actually magically altered their story and used them as his characters. Now, now, do I believe that Zelenarian was planned all along? No. No, it was not. Unless Rebecca Mader herself comes out and says "oh yeah they warned me at the end of season 3 that I'd be back like that", I will hold on to my skepticism. Season 4A was a dumbfuckery whenever it came to Robin and Marian (and a bunch of other stuff but I don't wanna digress). The writers retconned it hoping to appease the fans, who had been quite vocal, as I was, about how atrocious the adultery storyline was. Apparently, my "dear" friends at this wiki refuse to accept that, because they don't even seem to remember anyone complaining that much. Well, I paid attention and I do. Everyone over at the other wiki, on TV.com, on SpoilerTV was giving this show a ton of crap for rubbing Outlaw Queen in our faces despite the fact that we didn't wanna chow down on it. Zelenarian wasn't planned until mid-production through S4A, mark my words. Or don't, we won't find out. Read Lily Sparks' review for reasons why this shit was made up on the fly, some of the points I made myself yesterday, I won't repeat them or her words. I'm not a hater, okay? This episode WAS enjoyable. The twist might prove to be fruitful. But let's not give the writers more credit than they probably deserve. That being said, I suppose the hints that Marian wasn't herself in this episode were more subtle (for the unspoiled, perhaps) than Emma randomly mentioning Lily last episode. Boy, how nice would it have been if we'd seen some of those hints in previous episodes though, amirite? Oh no cos Marian was frozen for 10 episodes, right. Odd how she made no mention of that in this one.

So, what IS Zelena's master plan? Apparently she wants a happy ending of her own (those are in high demand these days), which probably has something to do with why Cora returns later in the season, but, also, is there ANY way in hell that Zelena could have guessed that Rumple would end up in NYC? She did leave before him, and it's not like she can see the future (wait, can Rumple still? What happened to that? Is it only a thing in the flashbacks? I forgot...), so, her meeting him in a New York hospital room was just on good fortune. I'm not gonna put dumb-as-fuck vendetta plans past Zelena because that was almost her entire first arc last season, but seriously, what was the end-game of her little roleplaying exercise? Be married to Robin for the rest of her life without Regina ever even being the wiser that it was her sister all along? Just so Regina couldn't have Robin, ergo her happy ending? Well, she coulda maybe still found another one, no? It's just all so short-sighted I can't even deal with it. Also, Roland sucks. Zelena was gonna have to put up with him forever too. And I just can't make sense of the inconsistencies with magic anymore... "Borrowed magic". Same shit as what Ingrid had in a pre-magic Storybrooke. Ok, so magic works well enough in our world, in a land that should be devoid of it. Hook managed to sail the Jolly Roger to NYC and infect Rumple with a magical poison. The Shadow made its way in and out to grab kids. Zelena can just be Marian whenever. So why can't she be affected by the frozen curse once she leaves Storybrooke? Why can't Chernabog exist outside of the town line? It's all too uneven and tiring.

Alright, let's get to the good stuff. As contrived as Zelena being Marian might be, you gotta give it one thing: in the grander scheme, it WORKS. Zelena's exposition can tie in with the season 3 finale wonderfully, and in a lot of ways it was worth it just to see the delightful Rebecca Mader taunting the hell out of Rumplestiltskin ("She's as dead as, well, your son. I guess you didn't avenge him after all. Oops." HA!). Kudos to Christie Laing as well. All in all, Maid Marian was a bit of a thankless role, but it brought this previously unknown actress to a bit more of a spotlight, and OUaT actors have a history of moving on to other, sometimes bigger projects, so I predict good things for her, because unlike many of them, she is a good actor. I liked her as Marian quite a lot since the finale last year, and she was, again, very enjoyable in this episode, whether she was grinning wickedly as Zelena in disguise or just being sincere and lovable as her true self in the flashbacks. Marian being really dead again could be considered a big surprise - we all expected her to die eventually anyway so that Regina and Robin could be together, so it's a bit refreshing that it turns out she was dead to begin with. And itt's also sad. Marian was good, and deserved better. I have hope that Christie Laing puts in one more appearance this season - she has to, right? Zelena has yet to be unmasked by Robin and Roland. And I actually quite liked Robin Hood's origin story, from the alias to the references to 2.19, from the Mad Hatter's door to him meeting Will (it also makes sense now how Will and Robin seem to share a special bond even though it seemed like they'd been together five minutes in OW). I suppose Friar Tuck didn't appear because Robin only meets the religious figure AFTER he starts robbing for the poor? Makes sense in my book. The present day stuff was good too. There's something visually and emotionally gratifying about Robin Hood riding a horse through the busy roads of New York City to tackle a robber, and us getting to see Walsh's old antiques shop ("Wizard of Oak" lol) was a little stroke of genius. These are the small things that blow my mind from time to time, and the truest gems in OUaT. The big twists are never gonna blow us away because they're always spoiled/guessed for us (oftentimes by the creators themselves), but these little surprises, they make the show fun, exciting and bearable.

Anyway, the ending of this episode was... sigh. I've made a point about how much I hate when cameras focus too much on someone's reaction. Lana Parrilla is amazing, but please don't oversell her. Regina first defending Emma was awesome. The insistence on it was pure Swan Queen bait, cheap and shameless.

Next week, we get the Cruella episode. The promo somehow made me a little less excited. She apparently shares a lot of screentime with the Author and I could live without that, and also she kidnaps Henry because yolo. I bet Pongo only has a cameo, like Ariel in Ursula's episode, or Aurora in Maleficent's. Do I find it brilliant and ingenious how these three Queens of Darkness are all going up against the regular characters rather than the heroes who originally defeated them in the stories we all know and love? Is it another example of how twisted and cool this show can be, providing refreshing takes on old, iconic stories? No, it's a piece of shit and a slap in the face. It's unrewarding. We all waited years for Cruella to be a thing, for Maleficent to have an arc. None of us can say this is what we expected. Or, at least, not what we HOPED for. Sure, S4B is enjoyable. It's also a compromise.

Rating the Episode:
 * Flashback story - 5 out of 5 stars. We have to add up two flashbacks in this episode, Robin Hood's origins and Robin in NYC. Both stories were fun and exhilarating, and saved the character for me.
 * Present-day action - 2 out of 5 stars. Lol. We got none of it, but what we got was... ok? Worth it for Regina's phone call, I suppose.
 * Usage of cast - 2 out of 5 stars. This being an episode mostly devoted to guest stars (Robin, Marian, Zelena), the regular cast got short-ended. Regina's appearances were minimal, as were the Charmings', Henry and Hook had no lines, Belle was absent, and although Will had his best appearance in the half-season so far, it was still not much. Rumple is the only regular who was well used throughout. Still, the guest stars more than made up for it, kudos to all of them, particularly Laing and Mader.
 * Writing - 4 out of 5 stars. Can't complain much. Zelena's expository speech wasn't as in-your-face as most of the show's big reveals (or lack thereof: remember how Snow and Charming had a big, big secret?), and for some reason Robin rambling on and on about how he had an honor code didn't feel as tiring as whenever someone starts discussing happy endings this season. Some lines were cute ("I can speak for myself. I'd never be with you.") and fun ("You were the biggest pain in the ass I ever had to write about." I hope it's because Rumple was in everyone's story).

Overall rating: 13/20. Yeah. Seems fair for an episode that required more than the usual dose of suspension of disbelief. Feedback would be greatly appreciated. Please save the "Roland is a cutie" comments for other threads.